So I spent the day today painting a barn with my friend Dan (you've seen him
post on the shoutout). So He tells me I should show up early so we can finish
painting his barn; OK I'm willing to help him out. So I wake up today at about 6
AM (internal alarm going off, must wake up - I'm like that).
So I make some coffee, turn on the radio to 1080 (local AM station) and turn
on the TV, start surfing the internet after glancing at my emails (nothing
interesting, a few new user posts I'll get to, some half-hearted offer to buy a
domain I abandoned long ago, and a few spams (I get about 100 emails every
minute, my spam blocking is pretty good, but a few get through - usually
mortgage crap hell, I don't own a house, maybe I should take them up on it! ))
Anyway... I get my shit together and head over to Dan's.
I get there (about 10:30 AM), thanks to my toenail painting freak of a friend
Lou that gave me directions. So I show up and the fucker that wanted me to help
him with painting his barn was complaining about being too hung-over to
paint. So there I was, painting a barn by myself. I was bitching at him about
not having breakfast, so when his wife and son (Jack - a great kid that
needs more candy) come out, he yells, "Hey!, Andy wants you to make him
I did really want some food, but hell if I wanted him to yell to his very
pregnant wife that his friend who just showed up to help with painting wants the
very pregnant wife to run off and make me some food, NOW!
Well, she did, and actually brought it out to me on a plate, with a napkin,
and the eggs and cheese on an English muffin was just what I wanted! Next time,
I'd like bacon as well!
Now I should interject and admit that Dan certainly does not have his wife on
a leash of any sort, she was the first one (except me) to admit that I had
showed up ready to work and Dan was in fact, unable to work due to his excessive
drinking the night before. However, she made a big mistake. Let me explain...
So Dan was suffering with his hangover, I was attempting to paint and watch
his boy, Jack (one of the most well behaved 3 year olds I have ever seen, it's
certainly not from Dan!), and his wife was walking out with breakfast... I was
saying to Dan, "You know Dan, if you can hold it down, a Red Bull would probably
give your body the fix it needs" (explaining how the B vitamins and caffeine
will assist with his hang over). So his wife says, "See Dan, I told you, you
should ask the alcoholic how to deal with it!"
I guess this family has no tact. However, this comment has history, and I
should probably explain it. It probably stems from the time that I brewed some
beer with Lou and Dan one week, then after I had kegged it, about a week after I
had kegged it, they stopped by to have a sample of the home brew.
Let me make a slight diversion here and explain a few things: a home brew keg
is 5 gallons, usually stored in a Pepsi keg (commonly called, because of the
types of taps on the top). I had kegged the beer about a week before Lou and Dan
stopped by, but had had a few friends stop by in the interim to sample the beer
(they may argue this point).
Anyway, Lou and Dan stopped by and each had a beer from the keg, declaring it
"very damn good beer!" if I recall correctly, then the problem ... when they
went back for seconds, there was no beer left! So they looked at me and said, "How
the fuck could you alone drink 5 gallons of beer!" I admit, I probably did
drink most of it, but not all of it! But the stink stuck.
So here I was being served breakfast by a very pregnant wife, being called an
alcoholic while her husband was passed out on a bench in her back yard because
he drank too much (and puking every few minutes). Great friends I have.
It all worked out, I think Dan can attest to the fact that Red Bull does in
fact act as a hangover cure (try it!), his wife made me a decent breakfast
(THANKS!) and the barn did get painted (and a flag on the barn as well!), Dan
even got over his fear of heights and got on the ladder. And... I made out
with a 12 pack of good beer from Dan, a free breakfast and lunch, and a fun day,
thanks guys! Maybe some other day I'll write something about what this
republican family knows about the American flag, but that's another story that
won't be printed...Good luck Dan!