About a month ago I was watching a Red Sox game. During a rain delay I was
surfing the channels and came across an advertisement for The Church of the
Latter-day Saints. I'm not sure why they chose that name, it kind of sounds like
they were a bit late for the festivities of Easter or something. Probably a
group pissed off that they missed the second coming of Christ, I figured. Then,
I watched the commercial. I was filled with happiness and joy, my soul was
lifted (either that or I just got up to get a beer, not too sure now that I
recall this event). For some odd reason I decided to give these people a call to
see what the fuck they could do for me, I guess....
"Hello, is this the people that have
multiple wives?" (note:
"Do you wish to receive a book, sir?"
"I may want many wives. Are you
someone I can marry, do I have a choice? Can I meet you first?"
"Sir, I have no comments about the
Book, can you give me your address?"
-- I give her my address --
"So will you send some willing wives
to me?" "I may want at least one that can cook, can you also send one that keeps
house fairly well?"
"Sir, I have no opinion or
affiliation with the Mormons, Can you give me your phone number?"
"NO! I don't want no freaks visiting
or calling me, just send me the damn book and a few women, I'm not into this
whole religion thing!"
"Sir, I have no opinion on this, I
just take your information, I can not affirm that you will receive, wiv...
"I don't want any religious freak
visiting me, I just want the book, send me the book, I'll kill anyone that
attempts to talk about god to me, please don't send those freaks!"
"Sir, no one will visit you, I
understand, what is your phone number please?"
"NO! I told you I wouldn't give that
to you, are you one of them?"
"Sir I just take information, do you
want the book sent to your home address?"
"Damn you God freaks! Are you trying
to convert me!"
"No, sir, um, thank you, click"
"Don't you hang up on me bitch!"
Well, a few weeks later I received "the BOOK" and a nice note that if I
wanted someone to contact me, just call an 800 number. I also got a nice Jesus
bookmark. I actually will be reading the Book of Mormon. I may post a review, I
always find historical fiction interesting.