|| 09/05/2004 ||

I ran out of coffee the other week. Not that I really noticed since I've been drinking all this damn Red Bull. But I still would like to have a coffee in the morning. It was a good sign when my friend Heather showed up the other day begging me to fix her brother's computer that had been infested with porn pop-ups and spyware (and about 1000 viruses, virii, whatever). 

"OK, I'll fix it, I need coffee."


"No, I need a can of it, and some milk, no, cream, no half and half, and some milk, for cereal."

So the computer was dropped off and we took a look at it, making side bets as to how many virii were detected, and how many spywares were found, I was about right with 200 virii and 1200 spywares found.

It took a whole 24 hours of running adaware, spybot, cwshredder, editing the registry and rerunning shit to get everything off of the machine, but after a few (7) red bulls I declared it free of crap (except, I probably should have just installed Linux with a XP type theme to avoid the later hassle). I did install FireFox and removed any reference to IE.

A few funny things always happen when I fix someone else's computer. When I booted it up, and connected it to the internet for the first time (to update Norton after I had cleaned it once), AOL Instant Messenger came up.... And I was immediately showered with messages from high school kids. I did not refuse the temptation to play with their minds and fuck over the kid that probably screwed this computer up. I was immediately drawn into the high school world of boyfriend/girlfriends and gladly chatted about rumors that I was making up on the spot.

Please warn your children not to allow AIM to connect on boot up, I think I seriously destroyed an entire high school coolness hierarchy with a few well placed messages about sheep love and girlfriends that work side jobs as strippers. And I had no idea who the fuck I was talking to.

I really am sorry  BrewKid1243 and your friends, really sorry, HA HA HA

Anyway, the computer was fixed, and returned in good shape. I'm getting to be an expert at fixing this shit, the most important lesson I can teach from all of this? DO NOT USE IE USE MOZILLA!

Oh, and Heather ended up bringing me a very small amount of milk, and a tiny can of coffee that she obviously bought at the gas station she stopped at before she came over to pick up the computer.

Heather - Look, it's pretty obvious you made a very lame attempt at getting me my simple requests. I only asked for: milk, half and half, and coffee. You brought me: a quart of 2% milk (WTF! Was the gallon size too heavy? and Who Drinks 2%? I drink beer every day, you think I care about the extra fat!), a small can of coffee, and some half and half. I spent 24 hours fixing the damn computer, tormenting high school kids and I get some crap you picked up at a gas station. Do better next time. I still love ya anyway (probably has something to do with her being a female). She never reads my site anyway.

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codewolf Wrote the following on 09/05/2004 02:29 AM :
In all seriousness, if you do want the links to the programs and want me to re-run an article on how to thoroughly rid your computer of spyware, just say so and I'll post another article on it. I should probably post that once a month.

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